Bismillah(In the name of God)
Do you have a day that was so bad that whenever it comes to mind you want to cry? A few years ago, I woke up around 8:00 AM and started my day. At about 10:00 AM, I felt tired and went to bed to relax for a while. Laying there, I realized that I couldn’t move, my body felt numb on the bed and hot tears were streaking in the corner of my eyes.
I tried to move, but nothing. It felt surreal because this has never happened to me before nor have I heard anyone talk about something like this. As a young mother, I was happy that my son who was about two years old at that time was not with me. I couldn’t help but think about what I would do at this moment if he was there with me. I had no hope of anyone coming to see me because I had asked my aunt to take him for the weekend since I was not feeling well.
Unfortunately, I spent the day in bed at first, I ask; “God why me?” I closed my eyes and fell asleep. My eyes opened around 1:00 PM. It might have been late spring or early summer day. Through the sheer curtain I could see the bright sun at my window, I heard the birds chirping, I leaves on the tree in the yard were swaying and I still couldn’t move. In the calmness, I had a lot of great ideas coming to me. My mind was so sharp at that time. I had thought of many ways to reorganize my closet, my drawers, the kitchen, my finances, my health and life and what things that I could buy for myself and my son.
I must have fallen asleep, because when I opened my eyes again it was about 7:00 PM. To my surprise, I still couldn’t move. I started to feel worried. What if I stay like that. What if no one comes to find me, what will I do about my son? What if I become paralyzed? I have been sick for about a year, the left side of my body was weak, I had problems with my memory and speech, I have been to many doctors and hospitals. The doctors could not give me an answer nor come up with a diagnosis.
Between worries and asking God “Why me?” whenever I was awake, the day went by in a daze. The last time I opened my eyes; it was the following day. I got out of bed and acted as if nothing happened the previous day. However, I could not remember the great ideas nor breakthrough that I made either. That made me so mad. That’s why, I always thought of that day as the worst day of my life.
For years, whenever that day came to my mind, I would feel sad and disappointed because I could not remember what I had planned to do. Finally, one day I decided to talk with someone that I trust about it. She was amazed about the situation and shocked that I felt anger whenever I remembered that day.
She asked, “why are you mad? Because to me, it seems like you were so tired, and you needed that day to recuperate to get yourself ready to face life.”
I could not understand what she was saying. I felt betrayed by her words, but I did not want to argue either, so I decided to drop the conversation. She realized that I was not happy.
She asked, “What is wrong with you?”
I answered, “How would you feel if this had happened to you?”
She smiled and moved closer to me.
“Did you say you spent a day in bed?”
I said “Yes”
then she asked “10:00 AM on Saturday to 8:00-9:00 AM on Sunday morning?
I replied “Yes”
she said “You could not move, right? and you were alone”
I said “Yes”
“And you believe this is the worst day of your life because you can’t remember your plans when you were able to move?”
I said, “Yes, because I honestly believe if I was able to remember and implemented my ideas I would be far today.”
“Were you thirsty?” she asked,
“No” I said,
“Did you feel hungry?” she asked,
“No” I replied,
“Did you use the bathroom?” she asked
” No” I said,” I told you I was not able to move.”
“Hmm” she said, “then you soiled the bed?”
I said, “No its just nothing happened, my body had stopped working.”
She looked at me and said, “How many people can say that? Even people who are lying in the hospital on life support get one thing or another from somebody else and yet you were alone, and God took care of your needs how can you be mad? I understand your frustration, but I think your worst day is also an amazing day because I don’t know of anyone who can say they spent a full day without food, water, or even not using the toilet for a whole day.”
I never really try to understand or what happened that day. In my mind, this experience has always left an uneasy feeling in me. Talking to my friend had changed something me. Although I did not accept nor appreciate her point of you right away, but I had come to understand Grace and God’s favor come in ways that sometimes we can’t comprehend.
Once I allow myself to accept and understand the gravity of my situation, I stopped thinking about what I loss and started being grateful for living and surviving that day, and for giving a chance to get out of bed and try to live a good life of faith, love, patience and gratitude.
In life, it doesn’t matter of what happen or what you believe should have happened because we are all working and striving towards only one thing. That is;
” And guard yourselves against a Day when you will be returned to God; then each soul will be rewarded fully for what it has earned, and they will not be wronged.” (Surah2 vs 281)